Wednesday, May 04, 2005

Enthusiast Discovers Bitching and Moaning Online Far More Fun Than Actually Visiting Parks

Maryland enthusiast Tom Randall couldn't wait for the amusement park season to start again. He had planned the path he would follow at each of the area parks that were opening, he had timed his visit to Busch Gardens Williamsburg to coincide with the opening of DorKastle, and he had purchased a digital camera to document every part of every visit. He'd even gotten the inside scoop on a new bathroom at Six Flags America, and he was positive he'd have the first high-resolution photographs of it on the web.

And then the season actually started.

"It was weird," said Randall in an exclusive ARN&R interview. "Once I got to Kings Dominion, all I could think of was how much more fun I'd be having posting on ThrillNetwork. They allow those awesome forum games, like 'Insult the person above you,' and I also have been having a lot of fun arguing about whether the Hades banked curve is 90 degrees or 91 degrees. That's good living. Actually being at the park? Ennnhh."

Undeterred, Randall visited both Six Flags America and Busch Gardens Williamsburg, and somehow found standing in line for hours for coasters he'd ridden dozens of times before to be not entirely fulfilling.

At press time, Randall had canceled a planned six-state tour of amusement parks and put the money into a high-speed internet connection. He has joined four new web forums and was, at last report, in a fiery debate about whether Valleyfair! or Worlds of Fun would be next receiving a B&M inverted coaster. (ARN&R sources indicate that each will in fact receive a used dunk tank.)