Tuesday, January 28, 2003

Breaking News: The Great Escape to be "One of Most Cleanest Six Flag Park Anywhere"
Sources also indicate to ARN&R: "ur all drunks"

According to ARN&R sources, whom we swear we are quoting verbatim, "[W]hy do you want to make jokes on Great Escape? It is a wonderful park, and you just go off and make jokes for it. When it become to Six Flags it will one of most cleanest Six Flags park anywhere, you will see cuz the staffs there are wonderful, and kind."

The source, who spoke on strict condition of anonymity (but we'll just call him or her "Ecks Phan") concluded, with one edit to keep our family-friendly image (hint: the source did not use the word "flange"): "So you did great job put up my quote, that is a wonderful comeback, but sadly you tried too hard to get back to me, you posted this quote cuz you know it's true. So everyone on this site, [flange] off, and leave Great Escape alone, go make jokes on yourself being a couple of drunks."

It is sad, indeed, and, taking the source's advice, we will henceforth change this site to being daily jokes about the fact that ARN&R's staff are all drunks. Thus:

A mushroom member of ARN&R's extensive writing staff walks into a bar and sits down. The bartender says, "Sorry, pal. We don't serve mushrooms here."

The mushroom member of ARN&R's extensive writing staff says, "Why not? I'm a fungi."
New Blacula Themed Park To Open

Smarting from a recent decision by investors to move the location of a proposed Dracula theme park to Bucharest, leaders of the town of Transylvania today announced their intention to create a Blacula-themed resort instead.

“Since conservationists and historians have blocked the creation of a Dracula park due to concerns over the tourism impact on the area, this leaves Transylvania in the lurch while filthy Romanians get loads of money from vampire fans,” said Vlad M. Payler, a Transylvanian spokesman. “At the city council meeting, we discussed alternate ways of earning money by capitalizing on the current vampire craze, and Blacula proved to be the logical choice. As they said back in 1972: He's black! He's beautiful! He's Blacula!”

Payler stated that preliminary plans called for a Scream Blacula, Scream rollercoaster, a Dracula’s Soul Brother simulator, and large areas themed to Dracula’s Castle and Los Angeles, the two main locations of action in the movie.