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Ruben: Top Thrill Dragster New Number One

Paul Ruben annouced today that Cedar Point's new Top Thrill Dragster claimed the number one spot on his coaster list. Ruben, who has traveled the world riding coasters on other people's money, and who has taken Mark Wyatt's spot as the provider of unsupported statements on amusement park television shows, said that the Top Thrill Dragster has everything he looks for in a coaster. "Just look at it," he said. "That is one big ride; I can tell without riding it that this thing will be my favorite."

Many enthusiasts cheered right along with Ruben. "Mr. Ruben is the number one man when it comes to coasters," said Tim Owens, founder of the Greater Boise Coaster Club (GBCC). "He's on TV all the time. If the number one rater of coasters says it's his number one then it has to be the best...right?!"

Some, however, are not so sure. Dick Kinzel of Cedar Fair was reported as saying that it did concern him a bit that Ruben had not ridden the coaster yet. "Sure, we at Cedar Fair are flattered, but I think he should at least wait until media day to make up his mind."

Ruben, North American editor of the almost utterly unread "Park World" magazine, said he wasn't going to let a detail like not riding the coaster stop him from placing it atop his list. "So what if I haven't ridden it?" Ruben snarled. "It is big and fast -- I know what I like in a coaster."

Ruben also commented that although he does not require parks to put him at the front of their lines when riding coasters, it doesn't hurt. "Hypothetically speaking, I can't say it would harm Cedar Point's chances if they cut me in front of everyone every time I visited a Cedar Fair Park." He then winked at and nudged the author. He also noted that sequel Dude, Where's My Car Now? would be the finest film of 2004 and that N*Sync's twelfth album will be the "greatest CD, or whatever format might be predominant at the time, of 2014."