Monday, June 09, 2003

Wonder Woman To Sue Six Flags Over Sexual Discrimination

A statement released by attorneys representing Wonder Women indicates that the ex-Super Friend intends to sue Six Flags Parks over what she calls "a blatant example of sexual discrimination in the workplace."

An excerpt from the statement reads:

"Wonder Woman has tried unsuccessfully for years to get her name and likeness immortalized on a roller coaster or other amusement park ride. She has been disappointed time and time again as Superman, Batman, Robin, The Joker and even Two-Face have been awarded their own rides, and subsequent hefty pay increases, and Wonder Woman has repeatedly been overlooked for promotions year after year. She can only assume that her gender was the motivating factor for her not being given her own attraction and a promotion."

"Two-Face? Who the hell is Two-Face?!?" Wonder Woman was overheard shouting to Gary Story, COO of Six Flags, shortly before she quit the company. "I'm Wonder Woman! Wonder f---in' Woman, for the love of God!! Everyone in the whole f---in' world knows who I am! Remember my magic lasso? What about my invisible plane? Hel-lo?"

Gary Story responded to the accusation of discrimination by saying, "Discrimination? 'Shah... roo-ight... If we discriminate against women so much, then how do you explain Poison Ivy's Tangled Train? Hmmm? Poison Ivy is a woman, isn't she? A budding, beautiful, bodacious, bosomy, busty, buxom, babe of a woman who got where she is today solely based on her hard work and dedication, I assure you. Also, what about Batman and Robin: The Chiller? Robin's a woman, isn't she? So there! Quit your whining, Wonder Woman, and go get me some coffee!"

Immediately after hearing Gary's response, Wonder Woman tendered her resignation to Six Flags Parks and hired a large team of aggressive attorneys to represent her in her lawsuit against Six Flags. She also immediately dropped out of the Justice League and ripped her Super Friends membership card in half. She then jumped into her invisible plane and was last seen heading towards Universal Studios, Islands Of Adventure in Orlando, presumably to be with her on-again, off-again boyfriend, The Hulk.

Attorneys for the Six Flags Corporation could not be reached for comment.

UPDATE: Our top-secret news sources recently overheard Wonder Woman's attorneys discussing a separate but related lawsuit being brought against Six Flags by Jayna, one of the Wonder Twins, and Gleek, her pet monkey. Details are sketchy, but the lawsuit appears to have something to do with charges of sexual harassment and Superman's x-ray vision.