Absolutely Reliable News & Rumors.

Cedar Point Guests Get An Eyeful On Top Thrill Dragster

Several guests at Cedar Point got an extra special bonus treat during their ride on Top Thrill Dragster this past Saturday, September 6th when a woman’s halter top was blown clear off of her body during the ride’s 120 mile per hour launch.

Park guest and American Coaster Enthusiasts member Lana Lewis from Pipestem, West Virginia, evidently ignored the posted signs warning TTD riders about raising their arms during the coaster’s launch. Everything was okay during the first second of the launch. Two seconds into the launch, however, Lana’s frilly pink and yellow 100% cotton halter top was sucked right off of her body. The halter top got caught in the rushing air produced by the movement of the coaster train and floated gracefully in the breeze for a few seconds before landing gently on the ground under the roller coaster amongst the several nuts, bolts, and tires that have fallen off of the TTD trains all throughout this season.

Ms. Lewis was back in the ride’s station before she realized what had happened.

“I definitely felt a chill when we reached the top of the first hill,” she said. “But I just assumed it was because we were so high up and the air was just cooler up there. Little did I know that my boobies were bouncing all around in the breeze for all of God’s creatures to see.”

After the ride, Ms. Lewis asked ride operators to retrieve her halter top from under the coaster, but was politely reminded by park management that all items lost during the ride could not be retrieved until the park had closed for the day.

Ms. Lewis’s brother, Skeeter, who is also her cousin, managed to save the day and a little bit of Lana’s dignity by purchasing a t-shirt from the recently opened Absolutely Reliable News & Rumors Souvenir Shop located on Cedar Point’s midway next door to the Johnny Rockets restaurant.

In a related story, the Top Thrill Dragster on-ride souvenir photo booth reported a new record high one day sales total on Saturday, September 6th. The astounding sales figure was attributed for the most part to the hundreds of male teenage coaster enthusiasts who waited in line for up to three hours to purchase a photo of Lana’s top thrilling strip show.

--JWS