Wednesday, October 27, 2004

Enthusiast Harasses Tourist Bureau

With the news of the demise of the popular “flyers” ride at Paramount’s King’s Island, reaction ranging from outrage, to tears, to bed wetting permeated the enthusiast community. Many coaster enthusiasts were moved to pick their large rear ends off the couch to call the park and beg and plead for the flyers to stay for that outside chance that their parents might drive them across 5 states to the park to ride an attraction that is available at many local parks. While most of these calls were met with stiff resistance (and gut-busting laughter) one enthusiast managed to draw the ire of an entire country.

Ken Myers has been banned from traveling to the country of Australia after incessantly calling the “King Island” tourism department, located in Tasmania, Australia. According to reports from the beleaguered tourism officials, Myers’ original call was very confusing to the clerk who had the misfortune of answering the phone.

After informing Mr. Myers that she had no idea what “flyers” were, and that this was the King Island tourism center, Linda Biron tried to deal with the situation amicably.

“Mr. Myers became enraged, screaming about BRD, or ERP, something like that. Maybe it was ERT. He kept saying he deserved extra time to ‘ride the flyers’ because of his impressive ‘track record’. I told him my boyfriend also has an impressive ‘track record’ to try and get this creep off my phone and this seemed to calm him down. But he seemed to take an odd interest in my boyfriend when I said that, and asked just how long his ‘track record’ was. At that point, I hung up on him and reported the incident to my manager.”

The King Island tourism center received no less than eight calls from Mr. Myers. According to reports, Mr. Myers became more and more belligerent with every call, threatening boycotts, vandalism and even “nasty messages on Coasterbuzz, whatever the hell that means” according to another clerk, Mr. Ted Gorfy. After the eighth call, the issue was brought up to Australian Police, as this was an international call. Mr. Myers was warned to stop calling under penalty of International Law, to never visit the country of Australia, and to possibly “get a life.”

Mr. Myers was unavailable for comment, but his mother had this to say: “All I have to say is he better get off that damnable internet and work some more hours at the convenience store to help pay this phone bill! Between the eating and now this, his father and I are about ready to kick him out of the house. It has been 32 years you know. On second thought, maybe just the eating is enough …”