Wednesday, January 21, 2004

Jackson Purchases Another New Ride

Still smarting from the hurt and bad feelings caused by his arrest for child molestation, Michael Jackson has again retreated to the simple childlike wonders of themed amusements.

As his personal life has unraveled, Jackson has relaxed at his Neverland Park by having children ride his Zipper and by purchasing a large package of new rides, and even stepped out of his property to surrender his passport and visit Pixyland. And Jackson couldn't stay out of the limelight for long, as he unveiled the exciting new attraction just added this week to Neverland.

"What?" asked Jackson, beginning to cry as reporters laughed so hard they began coughing up portions of their spleens. "It's very innocent and sweet. The children love to ride Donald Duck, and he's just turning around his head to help share pleasure with them. You're making me very upset and you are bad, evil people."

As with all other rides at Neverland, the new Donald Duck attraction will be free for any child who spends the night in King of Pop's bedroom.

--JCK (with Special Information-Locating Consultant DEC)
Welcome Armpit Stain Fans!

So sorry we don't have any of those hot armpit stain images you've been desperately cruising the web for, but please come enjoy some cruel satire of roller coaster enthusiasts anyway! It's basically the same thing, after all!