Sunday, November 23, 2003

Michael Jackson Adds Large New Package

As detailed in this month's Amusement Business, Michael Jackson has just announced the purchase of an exciting new package of rides for his Neverland amusement park. Neverland is Michael's own personal amusement venue, which he "shares with the young tail that comes to visit his ranch," according to Jackson spokesman Carl Johnson. Johnson went on to state that "Michael has been having trouble the past few days getting these sweet children to come visit him so they can ride his Zipper up and down and over and over, like he enjoys so much. So he's decided to increase the visits from eager and flexible youngsters by adding a thrilling set of new attractions."

The additions are the largest such package ever purchased by Jackson for his amusement park, an investment greater than any single expenditure by Jackson, save for paying off people who accuse him of molesting their children and creating ever more frightening noses. Reportedly, the additions to Neverland include all the following flat rides:

-Kiddie Whip
-Shot 'N Drop
-Ring of Fire
-Power Surge
-Bulgy the Whale
-Super Shot

"The sweetness and charming innocence of these new rides will certainly fill children with wonder," said spokesman Johnson. "And then Michael can fill their pants with his hands. Everyone wins."

A Little Hiatus, Maybe

A couple of us are heading off to the nether regions (read: Mississippi and the like), so we may be updating a bit less often. We are certain this will cause much gnashing of teeth, but we assure you: you will get through it.

But hopefully, some IAAPA updates will be coming soon, if our exclusive IAAPA correspondent manages to awaken from the drunken revelry we presume is occurring.