Friday, March 26, 2004

Tatooine Traders Offers New Gift Items

Reeling from poor sales the past several quarters, the Tatooine Traders store at Disney-MGM Studios Theme Park has announced a new series of gift items that is hoped to draw more customers to the shop.

"Although the Star Tours ride empties directly into the Tatooine Traders, we have seen sales lag more and more," noted park rep E. Chauncy VanBentheusen III recently. "The fact that the ride seems increasingly more lame with each passing year perhaps plays a small role in the lack of sales at Tatooine Traders, but an additional problem is that we got rid of all the exotic gifts like the rare comics and obscure books and vintage materials from the original trilogy and just decided to sell obnoxious Jar Jar crap."

VanBentheusen added, "We now see this mistake, and we plan to add unique and creative items to entice the big Star Wars fans to buy more useless junk here and keep the store in business."

An asisstant to VanBentheusen then unveiled the new product line, a spectacular set of mugs, T-shirts, and jock straps intricately themed to the popular "Chewbacca Ate My Balls!" website.

"We're expecting hordes of people clogging the store now," said VanBentheusen. "Who wouldn't want a T-shirt with a picture of Chewbacca saying 'Your Balls Are MINE!!'?

"That's a rhetorical question," he added, after pausing dramatically.

Tatooine Traders expects to have the shipments of the new gift items in stock within the next week. VanBentheusen further noted that, if the venture proved profitable, the shop might further expand with "Luke Ate My Balls" and "Ewoks Ate My Balls" products.