Welcome to Our Planet, Brian Ramsey!

From the "What the hell was that about?" category comes this e-mail, from one Brian Ramsey at a UK e-mail address:

WE ARE MOST UPSET BY THE USE O9F [sic] OUR FAMOUS BAND'S NAME THIS E MAIL CARRIES A LARGE PEICE [sic] OF OUR DRUMMERS [sic] NASAL DROPINGS [sic] WHICH WILL CLOG YOUR CHIP ANS [sic] NOT YOUR FISH.

Well, ah, em, er. If had any idea what your band's name was, or really if we had any idea what the hell you were talking about, we would...well, we'd probably make fun of you anyway, if for nothing else for that "nasal dropings" thing. But as it is, we'll just shrug and say, in a loud and clear voice: Huh?

These Aren't the Droids You're Looking For

Once in a while, we get to browsing our logbooks here at ARN&R, and we're generally perplexed with the weird internet searches through which people locate our humble amusement park satire. Amongst the thousands (you think we're kidding, don't you?) of requests for information about Paris Hilton and her various skanky activities, as well as the ever-present quest for information on Jessica Alba belching, we've lately noticed these bizarre searches:

Star Jones Stomach Staple

Eeeeewwwwwwww!

Kyan Douglas Jersey

This just seems odd. Does Bravo Network make jerseys bearing a team name or number for any of the Queer Eye stars? It seems unlikely, since they tend to trash any sports apparel they find in the homes of the guys they make over. In any case, we're sorry to report that we do not carry any Kyan Douglas-themed products. However, we do have a lovely ARN&R Trucker Cap and Beast Thong amongst our Winter line of products at the ARN&R Online Shoppe.

Halle Barre in Boxing Outfit

If you're going to have a fetish, it might as well be specific...

Hazing Details and Pictures

Aw, s**t. Did some frat boy jackass find our site by accident? Sorry, this webpage is not a primer for how you can be a more successful date-rapist, get your penis branded with a coat hanger, commit noise ordinance violations, or piss off the roof of your frat house on people. Go away.

--JCK