Saturday, October 02, 2004

Fox News: Kerry "Really Likes Sky Princess, Scared of Hypers"

Following up on their amusing -- if completely fictional -- story suggesting that John Kerry declared himself a good candidate because, among other things, he gives manicures, Fox News also reported yesterday that Kerry is a "huge fan" of Sky Princess at Dutch Wonderland and that he is "pants-wettingly scared" of hypercoasters.

"In a speech given yesterday in central Pennsylvania, Kerry told the crowd that 'Sky Princess' at nearby Dutch Wonderland is as big a coaster as he can handle. He also stepped out from behind the podium and wet himself just thinking about riding Phantom's Revenge at Kennywood," wrote Fox's Carl "Honest, I'm Fair And Balanced Even Though I'm Parroting Republican Talking Points" Cameron. "Kerry then put on eyeliner and danced in a tutu before proposing to John Edwards," the story concluded.

Fox later retracted the story, reporting that Cameron "just got all fatigued again" and that "this time we told him it was a really bad thing." The Kerry campaign whimpered and accepted the apology.