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New Wavers Getting Aggressive

As reported by Amusement Business, a group of jockeys was injured by Flock of Seagulls during a race in Melbourne at the end of March. After a planet-wide manhunt, the last fugitive member of the band, drummer Albert Cruz, was finally captured by authorities in New Jersey today.

Although the general population can rest more easily tonight knowing that these dangerous criminals are off the streets, many people are asking the same question: do these jeans make me look fat? Some of them are also wondering why this group of washed-up almost musicians would attack jockeys, particularly in so public a setting as an actual race.

According to Flock of Seagulls lead singer Michael Score, it was the county fair's fault. Or, actually, the fault of all fairs. "We just snapped," he told ARN&R. "Our world tour just took us to a few too many local fairs and farmer's markets. Aside from the pig squeals and donkey brayings drowning out our beautiful music and ruining the experience for the multitudes of our slavishly devoted fans in attendance at these fairs, we were assaulted constantly by the smell of vomit emanating from the exit ramp of the Gravitron and the Zipper. What can I say? We lost it. And, like everyone else probably does when they are pushed too far, we decided to attack some jockeys. It's an unfortunate, but perfectly normal, reaction to stress."

Score told ARN&R that Flock of Seagulls intends to vigorously fight any legal action brought against them by the jockeys or the organizers of the horse race they ruined. He also added that, barring jail time, the band would soon be taking a break from performing at weddings and bar mitzvahs and would be entering the studio to produce a new album filled with "darker, more introspective acoustic material."

--JCK