Friday, August 27, 2004

Team USA Loses Focus, Loses Game
Athens, Greece

It was a dark day for American basketball fans as they watched their beloved Dream Team lose a semifinal Olympic match-up to the Argentine national team and lose all hope for gold. There has been much speculation in this tournament as to the nature of USA Basketball's struggles: Players that are no longer hungry for Olympic victory, a world catching up in skill level to match our own NBA greats, a gap between coaches and players that even Larry Brown could not overcome, and finally, the announcement of the 2004 Golden Ticket Awards.

In an exclusive post-game interview, ACE Regional Rep and Dream Team co-captain Allen Iverson (aka Coasterbuzz member BeastRida) had this to say: "Man, I don't know. I tried to stay in the game, but how could I stay focused when I know the Beast is goin' up against the Raven for number one? I mean, me and the Beast have been down since day one. That's my dawg. You knowhaimsayn'? It's war out there at Amusement Today. Just like it is out here on the court. Beast is a true soldier. And that just takes a lot outta you, man, when you hear that some New Jack like Thunderhead comes along and steals the Beast's shine like that. You know how much ERT the Beast pulls every year? C'mon, man."

A surprisingly sympathetic coach Brown offered some insight to his players' emotional state: "I could sit here and talk about lack of effort, lack of team chemistry, or lack of practice, but that's not it at all. Who would I be kidding? You can't imagine what it's like for a guy like Steph (Stephon Marbury, Team USA's starting point guard, aka Coneyfreak311 on Thrillnetwork) to grow up in Brooklyn and not see the Cyclone crack the top ten. How can I expect one hundred percent from a guy who just got that news? Really. And poor Timmy (Tim Duncan, aka Eelmaster from URC). He was just devastated by Steel Eel's performance. It totally took him out of his game. We all know that mid course break is on pretty hard, but these voters need to give us a call every once in a while. It's easier to get calls in Staples against the Lakers."

When asked for comment, Marbury had this to say: "What does Manu Ginobili know about a Golden Ticket? Do they even have a wood coaster in Argentina? Hell, no."