Wednesday, September 22, 2004

Taste Our Power

Two incidents have recently occurred to demonstrate that ARN&R is now the ultimate power in the universe. First, our Site O' the Weak, Brian and Robs [sic] Coasters, went down shortly after receiving our award. Apparently, the operators of the site felt that the ruthless mockery of the site they have been receiving online outweighed any potential benefits of maintaining it. It causes us deep suffering to be denied the pleasure of seeing all those spelling mistakes and poor formatting, and we're not alone: posters to also appear to be heartbroken. But chin up, little campers: at least the Brian and Robs [sic] Coasters Forum is still fully operational!

Secondly, almost immediately after our piece on Boomerang Bay appeared, Paramount's Great America removed a picture of Paul "Crocodile Dundee" Hogan from its front page. Complete coincidence, you might say? We find your lack of faith disturbing...

Enthusiast Haiku
An ARN&R Exclusive

Robert Johnson, an avid coaster enthusiast who posts as GForcejin on CoasterBuzz, will be releasing a self-published book of haiku poems concerning being a roller coaster enthusiast. The book is to be available via the third or fourth pop-up ads on both CoasterBuzz and Screamscape at the end of this month.  Additionally, visitors to Ultimate Rollercoaster will, for their convenience, have the book automatically ordered for them and placed on their credit card via spyware.

Johnson has been kind enough to give ARN&R a preview of the work, titled Screaming in 5-7-5, the Ups and Downs of a Coaster Fanatic.  Johnson recently sat down with ARN&R and explained why this project is so special to him.  “What has made this project so magical is that it combines three of my greatest passions -- exhibiting the misery of my tortured soul, my love of complaining about amusement parks, and my mildly creepy obsession with everything Japanese.”

Here’s a preview of some selected haiku:

Six Flags Refreshment
Thirsty, so thirsty
Where are the water fountains?
Soda?  $4.50

Magic Mountain
Miles of concrete hell
Ride operators don’t care
If I live or die

Millenium Force
This slack rule be damned!
My kingdom for just an inch!
“No,” replies my gut.