Absolutely Reliable News & Rumors.

Coasterbuzz Webmaster Attempts to Save CB Member's Dignity

In an occurrence that has become all too commonplace in the past few years, Coasterbuzz Webmaster Jeff Putz has made a valiant, if utterly hopeless, attempt to save a CB member's dignity by closing a moronic topic that member started, say sources.

The topic in question is "Misuse of Laxatives," where a Coasterbuzz participant asks in an open forum whether he is in any danger from ingesting tremendous amounts of laxatives. Some cautious observers have speculated that this topic could potentially bring shame and ridicule to the poster, conceivably even to Coasterbuzz itself.

"You would think that Putz would just give up on trying to be this knight in shining armor, protecting his flock from making idiots of themselves," said CB member Grant Riley, 43, who would only speak with ARN&R on condition of anonymity. "It's pretty hopeless, since someone posts something offensive or idiotic about every five seconds there. But, then again, I guess you have to draw the line somewhere. And maybe that somewhere is where someone starts an off-topic discussion in a coaster forum about whether he's going to shit himself to death later that night."

"Thank God this topic has been shut down," said the elated original poster. "Now my dignity and honor have been preserved. I shall never be subjected to ridicule after the heroic deeds of my webmaster."

Aside from erasing any potential shame felt by CB members, the move has created two additional positive spin-offs. First, ABC has tentatively agreed to air a weekly series called "Ask Dr. Chuck," where a Coasterbuzz participant with exactly zero medical or scientific credentials or experience will spend a half hour dispensing thoughtful health advice like "[m]y guess is you'll just go alot tonight and be fine in the morning." Additionally, the topic was nominated for and later received the coveted ARN&R Site O' the Weak award.

--JCK (With assistance from MMS, CSB, and the Grand Poobah)