Thursday, February 06, 2003

Thrillride! Back Online; Panic Ensues Amongst Crappy Coaster Websites

Baltimore coaster enthusiast Darren Carr has a major project due at work this afternoon, but instead of completing his work, he is performing a task he considers more important. Carr is busy reorganizing his webpage bookmarks on Internet Explorer.

“Thrillnetwork. Gone. Gimmee a break. Coasterbuzz. What was I thinking? The Coaster Underground. Buh-bye.”

Carr is estimated to have deleted over 350 links to amusement park-related sites this morning alone, though he is far from done. “It’s just so easy, all of a sudden. I was so upset when Thrillride vanished, I basically bookmarked every single coaster site ever created in a desperate quest to find something interesting to read. I doubt I’ve visited ninety percent of these crap sites more than once. Lord, over twenty of them are on Geocities! Most are completely illegible and have pictures stolen from other websites. Now that Thrillride is back, there’s finally one site that uses fluent English, has a professional look, and features real news and good reviews.” Carr then returned to the laborious process of removing worthless sites like Coaster Land from his list.

Carr is far from alone. According to experts, thousands of coaster enthusiasts are following his lead and removing scores of useless and poorly written coaster fansites from their computers. But not everyone is happy with the return of Thrillride. In fact, owners of these terrible sites, which rushed to fill the two-year Thrillride void, are downright upset. Says G Force Coaster Site webmaster Joseph Foerster, “this is really unfortunate. Bob Coker may think he’s just returning to a popular website with exciting articles, fun features, and inside info, but I doubt he’s given the slightest thought to how it’s going to affect websites that butcher the English language, steal pictures from other sites, and post really stupid opinions.” Foerster added that he “might be forced to quit running a crap coaster site and do a Jennifer Love Hewitt fanpage instead.”

It’s now 12:30, and Darren Carr has completed the reorganization of his bookmarks. “Yep, that’s it. I’ve finally got it cut down to everything I need: Screamscape, Thrillride, Rollercoaster Database, and the Trip Report. Six hundred seventy-three awful sites gone. I still can’t decide whether to leave ARN&R on the bookmarks, though. They’re kind of funny, but once in a while, the information they post isn’t entirely accurate.”

Webmaster of Sues Earthlink, Apple Computer.

Hans Scheisskopf, webmaster of, announced today that he has filed a lawsuit against the nation's second largest Internet Service Provider, Earthlink, and Apple Computer, claiming that their “anti pop up technology” was forcing him to go bankrupt.

Mr. Scheisskopf was quoted as saying “It’s very simple, the pop-up ads are there to annoy the hell out of visitors to my site in order to force them to spend $20 on my K00l K0a5ters Klub so they can get a paper card in return. They get the same benefits as people withpop-up ads, except they get a pop-up free version of the site, and a little 2x3 card professing their love for! By Earthlink providing every customer with anti-pop up tools and Apple Computer building into their new browser anti-pop up code, they are forcing me to have to sell my BMW 7 series and just settle for a BMW 5 series, which is totally unacceptable! They need to compensate me for my losses!”

When it was pointed out that not everyone could afford $20 to join a “k0a5ter klub” Mr. Scheisskopf violently flung feces at ARN&R's reporter, yelling “Nein! You are stealing from me!” After the reporter's protest, Scheisskopf pointed to an obscure point in his site's terms of service that expressly granted the site's owner permission to throw feces or other bodily fluids or substances at anyone questioning the value of the Klub.

Representatives for Apple Computer and Earthlink were not immediately available for comment.