Saturday, December 27, 2003

Reindeer Attacks Reporter

On Christmas Eve, numerous news sources in the United States carried footage of a pissed-off reindeer assaulting a reporter who had apparently spooked the animal by making a sudden movement while doing on on-air segment for an Alaska television station. What was only just discovered was that the reporter also provoked the reindeer beforehand with inflammatory taunts.

"It was just a shameless attempt to encourage a Santa-beast to tackle and molest me on TV," a contrite Meghan Stapleton told ARN&R in a private interview today. "I just wanted some ratings. I mean, I have to work in Alaska, for crying out loud. I snapped. Sorry."

ARN&R then learned from Stapleton that her statements to "Blitzen" were indeed caustic and insulting, and certainly were largely responsible for the assault by cloven hoof. "I figured it would have to cut deep if I were to get the reindeer to make a spectacle for the cameras," said Stapleton with a shrug. "So I whispered that I knew he loved Vekoma Boomerangs and that Raging Wolf Bobs was his favorite wood coaster. Man, he went ape-s**t."

"I mean deer-s**t," Stapleton corrected, after a moment.

Stapleton's affiliate has not thus far announced any disciplinary measures for the reporter's baiting of an interviewee.