Tuesday, July 19, 2005

Crime at Holiday World

We here at ARN&R hate to break the news of a crime wave at beloved Holiday World, but feel it is our journalistic mandate to tell it like it is. And so we are forced to inform you that there is a new criminal element roaming Splashin' Safari, an element of either extreme hipness or extreme anti-ARN&Rness, or possibly an extremely hip anti-ARN&R-er.

Last week, ARN&R visited the fair town of Santa Claus, Indiana. After shedding thousands of screaming fans, we headed to the water park section and put two towels and a t-shirt for hipster duo Mates of State on a beach chair. After much splashing fun (sorry, splashin' fun), we returned to find the towels and t-shirt gone. Visits to the lost and found were to no avail, and we were forced to purchase our very own Splashin' Safari t-shirt just to be able to return to the main park.

We are forced to conclude that we were the victims of either (a) a fan of indie music so vile that he or she would steal a t-shirt almost directly off the back of a fan of the band or (b) a stalker-iffic opponent of the truth and good that comes from ARN&R, perhaps one of those AAARNR people.

We thought for a moment that it might be someone who fit both descriptions, but then we remembered that the AAARNR people like only .38 Special and early David Hasselhoff.

Or it might have been that Mrs. Koch, trying to pump up park t-shirt sales. We wouldn't put it past her.