Friday, July 05, 2013

Five Banners Pushes the Limit

Six Flags Over Texas is planning to make the Texas Giant look like an old woman who lives in a shoe. In partnership with one of the top manufacturers of "high" "quality" attractions, Six Flags has entered into negotiations to beat the current record holder on "high" entertainment. We keep saying "high" because if they aren't smoking the Kingda Ka, then we at ARN&R are scared to death.

Vekoma, yes we said that name and if you've been with us for a week or more like 5 years (that's you nacho stand man) then you're picturing that same "high" quality. Vekoma has entered into negotiations to build the worlds first coaster 'Tetracoaster.' We don't know if that's a thing yet, but if it isn't we're claiming it now and will have our people sue your people. 500 feet of sheer Vekoma pain, err . . . umm . . . thrills. Yeah. That's it, thrills.

The best part is that the designers are pulling out all the best tricks we've learned over the past few years. First, there'll be an epic station. Complete with steel and wood that looks like some ancient deathtrap. Second, the slightly less epic need to open 6 months late because of a terribly designed heart-line roll. They are planning right now what they'll replace it with, but they're still going to design it and discover the error after the testing process starts. Finally, this 500 foot lift experience will be via CHAIN lift. None of those fancy, unreliable cable or LSM based technology. Chain. Do they even make that much stuff. Sufficient to say, half way up there'll be a station with a bathroom, gift shop, and pizza joint just in case. At 450 feet there'll be one final trash can like you find at the local drive-thru joint.

The best part, as if the last 45 minutes weren't epic enough, is that at 510 feet when you finally hear the chain and the kid in 3.3 shouting "MAKE IT STOP!!!" you'll start to drop. 505 feet straight down at 97 degrees of dropping goodness. 300 feet later you'll be at 85 degrees. Once you clear the 505 feet, they've announced the epic plan of oneupsmanship against Cedar Fair. That's right boys, girls, and assorted life forms (that's politically correct according to the Supreme Court this week) 505 feet into a BANKED TURN. Not an over-banked turn that'd be wide and practically a sideways loop. Nope, 30 degree left turn over a parking lot after dropping 505 feet.

Sufficient to say, next years "521st annual ARN&R Reliable Acon to piss off ACEr's CON" will be held at Kings Island. We don't want to be there for the first ever Vekoma that makes RCT Peep killing look tame.