Friday, May 23, 2003

Universal Announces New "Mommy" Ride

Universal Hollywood and Universal Orlando announced they will have guests screaming for their Mommies when they debut "Mommy Dearest: The Ultimate Revenge," yet another new generation coaster-based interactive adventure, to parkgoers in spring 2004.

"The specs for this attraction are phenomenal!" claims Bobby Ditchelldorf, webmaster of, a rumor site dedicated to Universal Orlando. "There have been plans posted graffiti-style in the men's room outside Marvel Super Hero Island for the past three years, and it's gonna rule!"

According to the hastily drawn design plans, a larger-than-life version of Faye Dunaway jumps onto the riders' car and the car then shoots out of the station backwards in a vain attempt at escape, where a venerable horde of Animatronic Mommies swarm the car and tear some of the riders apart. This is followed by a ceiling of wire hangers just inches from riders' heads and a screeching voice exclaiming, "No wire hangers! No wire hangers!" and "Scrub Christina, scrub!"

"If all goes well," stated executive Mommy designer Stan Checketts, "With all the technical difficulties associated with a ride of this caliber, we should have waiting lines reaching into the next century."