Thursday, June 10, 2004

O'Connor: Ronnie Held on to See Latest Tsunami Construction Pics

In a moving eulogy today regarding Ronald Reagan, Supreme Court Justice Sandra Day O'Connor revealed a surprising fact: the former U.S. President gained strength to continue surviving well into his 90's due to his passionate desire to view the new construction photos of Tsunami, an S&S woodie under construction at Clementon Lake Park.

"Not many people know about this," said O'Connor, appointed by Reagan in 1981 as the first woman to serve in the nation's highest court, "but Ronnie was a complete coaster nut. He was a charter member of the Coaster Zombies and, for some reason, even joined the Greater Ohio Coaster Club one season. And it's that coaster obsession that gave him the power to live until the age of 93. Specifically, this season he's been carrying on in order to see the construction pics of Tsunami, which he told me 'looked totally kick-ass.'"

O'Connor added that "Ronnie left me a letter where he said he finally got to see the construction photo of the ride's first drop on Onride Central, and that he finally felt at peace and that his life's work was done."

"Obviously this is interesting news to us here at the American Coaster Enthusiasts," said Carole Sanderson, the group's President, Lion Tamer, and BCS Co-Champion. "We had no idea the former President was such a fan of our favorite hobby. Of course, many other presidents have enjoyed roller coasters. For instance, Millard Fillmore was a freak for the Mauch Chunk, and they couldn't pry LBJ off the Six Flags Over Texas coasters with a crowbar. And let's not forget William Howard Taft, who unfortunately loved coasters before the advent of fifth-row seats, so he couldn't actually fit in any of them."

O'Connor said that Reagan advisors were not taking seriously the suggestion by one anonymous ACE member that Reagan's ashes be scattered from the top of Top Thrill Dragster in tribute to his hobby, stating that, as far as she knew, "the Reagan family still intends to go ahead with the planned state funeral at Washington National Cathedral this Friday." Reports that Reagan's casket would be receiving ERT on Six Flags America's Superman: Ride of Steel prior to being flown back to California were said to be inaccurate.