Wednesday, June 02, 2004

Millennium Force Changes Affect Not Only Those Large In Waist

The controversial new changes in boarding practices for the Millennium Force roller coaster at Cedar Point affect more then those "big" in the waist, as a respected enthusiast reports in this trip report on RRC:

Then, against my warnings, he gave the lap bar a mighty shove into my lap, literally putting his weight behind it.


I have always disliked the lap bars on Millennium Force, ever since I discovered (the hard way) a little quirk about their construction. Let meput it this way...The problem is that in order for the lap bar to sit in my lap, the 3" diameter steel pipe it is attached to has to be pushed back past the pointwhere it makes contact with something it shouldn't, which then gets wedgedin between the pipe and the seat. After ramming the lap bar thusly, when I hollered about it, the operator hollered back, "It's for your safety, sir."

It has become clear from this report that Cedar Fair is not only discriminating against those large in the waist, but also those who are simply large.

"Cedar Fair's actions in the boarding of Millennium Force are unconscionable," declared Jim Holmes, owner of, "Riders of all sizes should be able to ride roller coasters in comfort and without fear that they may damage or bruise their beautiful, bountiful packages."

Cedar Fair's reaction to the controversy has been as swift as it is original. In addition to the sample chair located at the front of the attraction, park guests may now also measure their ability to ride MF comfortably in other ways via a new "sizing station" located behind the exit photo booth. There, potential riders may measure themselves to determine if they may be "too large" for the new 6" safety standards suggested for the ride. Rulers, a mirror, and privacy are provided to ensure accuracy. Cedar Fair has reportedly rejected a co-marketing venture in which the "sizing station" would also serve as an opportunity to audition for adult films produced by "Butt-Ugly Productions."

"The Cedar Fair policy is to warn that riders of exceptional size may not be able to ride all attractions at our park," wrote guest relations spokeswomen Sandy Ketcher in a letter to ARN&R. "This includes all potential interpretations of the phrase 'exceptional size.'"

As an additional aid, CP is also providing buckets of ice water on the MF loading platform so that select guests may attempt "dunk in" and alleviate the problem themselves for the short duration of the ride time.

ARN&R Increases World Domination Via Atom Feed, Event Attendance

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Yes, that's right, we're now providing an XML feed -- see that little "Atom Feed" thing over to the left? That's it. Here's a description of what Atom is all about, but basically you can use it in your fancy schmancy aggregators. Or you can just read the feed in your browser if you prefer your ARN&R to be even more incomprehensible than usual.

Of course, if you do that, you'll miss out on all the Breaking News Headlines, also over to the left. But it'll prevent you from having to expend one more bit of energy than required. And isn't that what it's all about?

(Well, that and the gravy buffet.)

Speaking of gravy, our ever-growing legion of writers are everywhere. We occasionally even end up at enthusiast events. If you're looking to meet one of us and you think you'll be able to push through the massive groups of hangers-on we all tend to attract, drop us a line and let us know where you'll be. If one of us is around, we'll let you know.