Saturday, May 27, 2006

Batwing: "Who Keeps Farting?"

Controversy has reigned of late at Six Flags America, as the Vekoma flying coaster Batwing has frequently accused its fellow coasters of copious farting. "And they aren't the loud, funny kinds," said the distressed Batwing. "We're talking Silent But Deadly. It smells like Satan took a big, fat burrito shit around her most of the time."

Adding that it was "really immature and annoying to keep passing gas in public," Batwing stated that "certain coasters might want to lay off the deep-dish meat-lover's pizza and beer late at night."

As one might expect, other rides at SFA dispute the claims Batwing has made about their allegedly revolting bodily emissions. "Well, it sure ain't me," said Two-Face, holding its hands up defensively. "I never fart. Um, it was probably my dog or something."

Joker's Jinx was more succinct. "He who smelt it, dealt it," it commented. "Batwing is the one whose paint has been blistering the most lately, if you catch my drift."

A SFA spokesman issued a statement that none of the park's coasters were under management suspicion of farting, despite any unsupported claims by Batwing, and that the foul sulfurous odors were just the "usual pleasantly tangy scents of raw human excrement bubbling out of the restrooms, just like they have been for the past couple decades."