Saturday, March 05, 2005

Letter from the Editor’s Lackey

Faithful Readers,

It was recently brought to our attention that a reporter known as James Guckert, who often used the alias Jeff Gannon, has provided ARN&R certain stories that weren’t quite true. We had been amazed with his output and access to highly-placed sources at the top of IAAPA and ACE, but apparently he has been living a lie. The Gucker/Gannon stories that we cannot independently confirm, and therefore retract, are the following:

- Six Flags Prepares For Another Debt-Free Year

- Enthusiasts Slim and Trim in ‘05

- Cedar Point’s Magnum Coaster Sinking

- NoGodForMe Not, In Point of Fact, Batshit Crazy

- URC, Thrillride! Constantly Updated

- B&M, Intamin IAAPA Booth Staffers "Thrilled" By Enthusiast Inquiries

While we appreciated Guckert’s zeal for the job we had to let him go from ARN&R. It was a hard decision to make, but we feel that to maintain the high standards set by our reporting staff that termination was in order. This difficult decision was confirmed by the fact that he no longer has White House press credentials, even after asking phenomenally hard-hitting questions, placing him at the pinnacle of American journalism.

We trust that Mr. Guckert will continue to have a successful career as a male prostitute and that this officer in the “Male Corps” will be the best “aggressive, verbal, dominant top” that he can be. We hope your career at is a great one.


FMB on behalf of the entire ARN&R Staff