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Enthusiasts Enjoy Ride on Mean Streak

In news that must come as an immense shock to any human who was been on more than three roller coasters in his or her entire life, two coaster lovers actually had a very fine time recently during their ride on Cedar Point's Mean Streak. Although most people with any sense whatsoever find the Mean Streak to be unbearably rough, overbraked, and endlessly long and boring, enthusiasts Andrew Pongracz and Rick Bergman defied all known laws of physics in having a perfectly entertaining time on the giant woodie.

"Rick and I had such enjoyable discussions," said Pongracz. "Sometimes we'll be on a roller coaster that's good, and we're just screaming and talking about coasters and stuff. But Mean Streak was so lame and lasted so long, we really got chatting about lots of other interesting subjects and expanded our minds. It was great!"

Pongracz noted that the pair initially admired the view from the ride's lift hill, and discussed the fluctuations of toxicity levels in Lake Erie over the years. After halfheartedly raising their hands for the ride's tepid, hyperbraked first drop, the two launched into a spirited discussion about Albrecht Altdorfer's use of chiaroscuro. Following that, Bergman convinced a dubious Pongracz that first trimester trophoblast cells create immune cell apoptosis by secreting a Fas ligand. At that point, Pongracz switched topics to gourmet cooking, and convinced Bergman that a light citrus glaze would complement the flavor of a rare tuna steak far better than a heavier chipotle coulee or mango chutney.

Pongracz and Bergman then took a break from their little chat to do some reading. Pongracz completed Les Miserables, while Bergman nearly finished Solzhenitsyn's The Gulag Archipelago.

Following the three-hour-long midcourse brake, the two then delved into further academic and artistic pursuits together. According to Bergman, the pair successfully translated the complete works of Sartre into Hindustani, composed a ninety-minute prog-rock masterpiece called "Pug of Assisi," solved Fermat's Last Theorem, and made fun of each other's top ten coaster lists.

Allegedly, Pongracz also found time on the final brake run to note that riding Mean Streak was "like a cross between a rough proctology exam and a night in a Turkish prison."

"I'm so glad that this coaster was so endless and boring, and we had time to accomplish all these things we did," said an elated Bergman. "Just think, if Mean Streak didn't blow then we'd have just spent the last seven hours going 'Wheeeeeeee!' Fortunately, it did blow, and we got to spend all those hours on it broadening our minds. It's my new number one."

--JCK/ALP