Thursday, January 23, 2003

Enthusiast’s Friends Labeled “Total Bastards”

This afternoon, Ralph Hunter and Jenny Hoover, a Spokane, Washington couple, were startled to learn that their good friend, Arkansas coaster lover Travis Edgerton, had recently claimed that they were “total bastards.”

“I don’t understand,” said Hoover. “Travis and Ralph have been really great friends for almost seven years…ever since they were in a junior college music appreciation class together in Pensacola. I don’t remember them ever fighting. In fact, he was supposed to be an usher at our wedding this coming October. We’re pretty upset.”

Edgerton remains unapologetic. “Oh, they can pretend they don’t understand why I’m mad at their pathetic, loser, bastard selves, but they know what’s up. Okay, look, they live like one hour from Silverwood Park. They know damn well I’m an enthusiast. So do they have their wedding in May or June like any normal people? No! They plan it for October, when the park is closed. They really expect me to drop that much coin going to the Pacific Northwest when Tremors isn’t even open? What a pack of cretins.”

Hunter and Hoover have stated that they will not consider moving the wedding date, nor renting the park for a private reception in order that Edgerton can “ride his stupid thing.”