Tuesday, January 13, 2004

Coasterbuzz to Add Three More Popup Windows to Total Six Windows Every Click, Announces New Partnership With Kazaa, Cydoor

Coasterbuzz, a website already much maligned for its 3+ popup windows on every click of a link, has announced that it will soon be adding three more popup windows per click. In addition, Coasterbuzz will begin running ActiveX controls within two of the windows that will automatically install Cydoor and the Kazaa Media Desktop Manager on the user's machine.

"Look, doing this website isn't free; we generate a lot of traffic," said owner Jeff Putz when reached for comment. "If someone wants to 'Opt Out,’ they can do so by paying me. In cold hard cash. It's all about the Benjamins, baby. BOOYAH!"

Putz received additional criticism for creating the new popups approximately one month before he announced he was doing so, thereby infecting approximately 22,000 computers with the Cydoor spyware trojan without their awareness.

"Look," Putz declared, "if they are coming to my site and not paying me money, they deserve whatever inconveniences they get. These leeches just take and take; they don't understand how much hard work it is for me to take five minutes out of my day to take a three-sentence blurb out of my Google News Alerts. It's really hard work that I deserve to be well compensated for."

Putz then added that anyone who complained about the spyware, or offered any information on how to remove it or to block popups on the Coaterbuzz forums would be immediately banned and the thread deleted.

Putz concluded by stating, "It's about time that these parasites learn that my site is not about them or their opinions or their computers not having spyware, it is about me, my opinions, and my need to make my site about as annoying and frustrating to navigate as a gay fetish porno site. Understood? Good! Thread closed!"

Prepare to be Disturbed

When we introduced our new Site O' the Weak feature a few months back, we initially conceived of the idea as a helpful way to direct amusement park fans to "the greatest waste of coaster-related web space we can find." Ever since that first one, which made reference to an idiotic discussion where some bozo claims a lapbar isn't enough to hold you in a coaster seat, we've always used an actual terrible website, rather than a forum topic, as our Site O' the Weak.

However, we never made any specific rule that states that we can't use a particularly wretched forum discussion as the SOW. And, this week, we have located just such a forum discussion. At the Great Adventure Source Forum, the boys have a poll going about whether they would rather screw Sigourney Weaver in Alien or the Alien in Alien. Be afraid. Be very afraid.

By the way, the Alien is, as of this writing, kicking Sigourney's ass with 85.71% of the vote. Sigourney is not exactly likely to knock Jessica Alba and Katie Holmes out of the AbsolutelyReliable Hot Tub or anything, but come on.

If this isn't the greatest waste of coaster-related web space we could find, we don't know what is. Actually, it might be the greatest waste of web space, period. We proudly link to it as our Site O' the Weak.

By the way, the award goes specifically to the forum topic. We were far too lazy to bother checking out the rest of the site, so we can't confirm whether it is filled with majestic splendor or whether it stinks. We'd appreciate it if someone could email us and let us know. Thanks!