Thursday, August 28, 2003

New ARN&R Feature: Site O' the Weak

See that new link over there on the left? Yes, indeed, we have a new feature, the Site O' the Weak. Every week or so, we'll share with you the greatest waste of coaster-related web space we can find, whether it's a discussion where some idiot can't imagine that a lap bar could be enough to hold you safely in a coaster or this week's featured site, spending page after poorly-designed page praising a long-defunct theme park in Arkansas dedicated to perpetuating the redneck hillbilly stereotype of the Ozark Mountain residents.

Got a nominee? Send us a note.

Note: Any submissions suggesting a link to a site featuring satirical news of the amusement industry or coaster enthusiasts will be ignored.
Area Man Questions Sexuality After Experiencing Top Gun: The Jet Coaster

Asheville, North Carolina, resident Jason MacDunleavy began to question his sexual preference after a ride on the B&M inverted coaster "Top Gun: The Jet Coaster" last Saturday at Paramount’s Carowinds.

"As I got in line, I heard the Kenny Loggins song Dangerzone," said Dunleavy. "My heart started pounding when I saw giant pictures of Val Kilmer and Tom Cruise. I was really pumped – my adrenaline level was so high, I felt an overwhelming desire to high five, and then experience hot man love with, the Iceman. That second part -- you know, the hot man love part -- sort of surprised me."

By the time MacDunleavy got into the ride station, he had begun to look at his girlfriend as if she were a stranger. "I don’t know what happened," said Jennifer Kailo, Jason’s longtime girlfriend. "Take My Breath Away was playing on the P.A. – it was our song. I reached out for Jason’s hand and he practically jumped back from me." By the time the couple had gone through the flat spin, Jason had ended the relationship, telling Kailo that he needed "time to think."

Quentin Tarantino, famed movie director and expert on the effects of Top Gun on male sexuality, was not surprised. "It’s only natural that a ride inspired by the most homoerotic movie of all time would make a man gay."