Monday, February 14, 2005

Playboy Centerfold to Feature Great American Scream Machine

With copies of the March Playboy Magazine flying off the racks due to the appearance of former teen pop star Debbie Gibson in a multipage nude spread, speculation is already brewing over what washed-up former starlet will next try to revive her career by baring it all.

Absolutely Reliable News & Rumors is pleased to be the first news organization to break the surprising news that another celebrity will grace the pages of the very next Playboy: Six Flags Great Adventure's Great American Scream Machine. Although back in the late 80's and early 90's, when the young starlet was at the height of its popularity, it had said that it would never pose nude, apparently it felt that maintaining its squeaky clean image was less important in 2005 than actually getting someone to actually bother going through its line and ride it.

"This is great news!" gushed Great Adventure fan Steve Thomas, 41. "I always loved the Great American Scream Machine back in the day, and I can't wait to see it buck naked."

"There's gonna be some huge 'or-GASM' going on in my bathroom the day that mag comes out," he added with a wink.

However, other former fans of the ride are less enthusiastic. "It's fine and all," said Doug Louter, 34. "But it would have been a lot hotter to see this coaster nude when it was still young, like in the 80's or early 90's. And I bet they airbrush the shit out of the shots, just like they do with all the other celebs that pose in Playboy."

Other useless former stars have done centerfolds in recent years, with mixed success: while has-been singers Belinda Carlisle and Tiffany saw almost no surge in their music careers after appearing naked in Playboy, a retrospective article on The Beast in the latest Rollercoaster! Magazine, featuring numerous luridly sexual poses by the long-running woodie, led to dramatically increased interest in the coaster for the coming season. However, with Rollercoaster! catering to the same sort of hard-core crowds as Hustler and Penthouse, rather than the "artsy" and "more tasteful" Playboy, coaster enthusiasts will be warned to expect only classy nude poses of GASM, and not graphically pornographic material like that covered in the Beast shoot.

The April issue featuring Great American Scream Machine will be available at news stands on March 12th.