Thursday, September 18, 2003

Gemini Predicts Single-Day Capacity Record in Call to Hulk

Gemini, the brash elder statesman of coasters at Cedar Point, reportedly predicted that he would break the single-day capacity record this coming Saturday. The prediction came in a trash-talking phone call with his close friend Hulk at Islands of Adventure.

"I couldn't believe it," said Hulk. "Here's this old punk coaster calling me up talkin' trash, and he thinks that's not going to get me and my team motivated? We're gonna kick some serious Gemini ass this weekend, baby."

Analysts suggest Hulk's job may be tougher than he thinks. "Gemini is wily but also full of power," said USA Today coaster columnist Lon Pascalelliellily. "He can instantly tell if it's time to send out a half-empty train or if it's going to be worth it to wait to fill it up. He's really got a great vision of the whole course and of the crowds around his station and makes great decisions. And the other coasters and rides nearby are all great team players, randomly shutting down if they notice his line is getting short, trying to funnel more riders to Gemini."

Hulk is unconcerned. "We're Islands of f**king Adventure, man! Cedar Point was great back in the day, but now they're just pathetic."

Gemini has refused to comment, saying only that "We'll see what happens on Saturday, and we'll see who's still talking afterwards, and who has the single-day capacity record."