Absolutely Reliable News & Rumors.

ARN&R Exclusive: TTD to be Replaced

ARN&R has learned in an exclusive story that Cedar Point has decided to tear down its troubled Top Thrill Dragster launched coaster by the end of July. "Yep, a few weeks of downtime made us realize that it just wasn't worth the trouble," said Dick Kinzel, head of Cedar Fair, Cedar Point's parent entity.

To replace TTD, Cedar Point has tentatively settled on the world's largest, fastest, tallest, and most futuristic Dippin' Dots Ice Cream of the Future stand, backed up against a similarly huge Old Time Pictures stand. In a draft press release obtained by ARN&R, Kinzel is quoted as saying, "If you thought Top Thrill Dragster was intense during its fifteen hours of operation, just wait until you see this ice cream! It's XTreme!"

The stands will likely be rebranded. Rather than being identified simply as "Dippin' Dots Ice Cream of the Future," it will now be "XDippin XDots: XTreme Thrill X Cream of the XTreme Future," and the Old Time Pictures stand will likely offer the opportunity, through advanced digital technology, for patrons to have a picture taken so that they appear to be standing atop a 420-foot coaster, one that Cedar Point describes as "fantastical" and "so crazy as to be fictional."

Enthusasts were ecstatic over the news. "Once again, Cedar Point raises the bar," wrote ThrillNetwork regular MeanLeak. "I just can't wait to see what those poseurs at Magic Mountain do in response to this. Pure brilliance."