Absolutely Reliable News & Rumors.

Area Woman Stunned By THE FUTURE

Melinda Daetsch, a Philadelphia, Pennsylvania native, was utterly stunned by THE FUTURE Wednesday during her visit to Walt Disney World’s Magic Kingdom. Specifically, Daetsch reported being “completely overwhelmed by the technological splendor” she glimpsed during her visit to the legendary Carousel of Progress in the Magic Kingdom’s Tommorowland section.

“The show was pretty boring for a while, as it just showed some lame animatronic dolls talking about past events in an unconvincing way,” Daetsch told ARN&R. "But then that last scene came up, and I was transported to THE FUTURE in a way I never thought possible. There were so many wonders that Disney showed me. Will any of the things they describe in Carousel of Progress ever come to pass? Can we hope, nay, pray, that we will be so fortunate? They kept talking about Laserdisc players. Surely this kind of technology won’t be experienced in our lifetime! And those big, wonderful car phones. Pshaw! That’s got to be science fiction!”

Daetsch was also intrigued by the theater itself, not just the amazing technology of THE FUTURE shown in the scenes. “At first, I was really unimpressed with the theater. It looked like it had been rejected by a derelict Arkansas military school’s playhouse. Everything stunk of mildew and mold. But then I thought, ‘whoa, what if these seats are so magically technological and advanced, they are actually made of mold and mildew, not covered in them.’ What an astounding development that would be, if Disney could help the world develop bioengineered seats out of nasty things we currently have. They could show our scientists how to make cars out of bubblegum and pillows out of sloppy-wet dog feces. I’m amazed and pleased that Disney has shown me the power and majesty of THE FUTURE at Carousel of Progress.”

ARN&R has learned that Disney plans to update CoP in the upcoming years by including fun references to thrilling unheard-of technologies such as "cell phones," "DVD," and "wheels."

--JCK