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Trip to New Zealand Turned Down

According to reports, a man named Luke Denning has recently declined to join his family on a vacation to New Zealand, despite the fact that most of the cost would be covered by his relatives. So why would someone turn down a chance to see his closest relatives and deny himself a once in a lifetime experience in a majestic, relatively unspoiled foreign country?

New Zealand has no roller coasters.

"Luke kept waffling about going to New Zealand," said co-worker Jenny Colson. "But he's one of those, I don't know what you call them officially, dork people who never has a girlfriend because he drools a lot and only talks about 'laterals' and how he 'likes a good hard ride on some wood.' But eventually he decided not to take the trip. He came in to work and yelled to us, not that we cared, that he "would visit New Zealand when they build a f*cking coaster!'"

"It kind of sucks for us," Colson added. "We thought he'd be out of the office for two weeks, and we wouldn't be forced to listen to all those grunting, slapping, and plopping noises that always seem to be going on in his cubicle whenever his coaster screen saver comes on. Oh well."

The tourism board of New Zealand is taking this matter very seriously. When asked for comment, a spokesman told ARN&R that New Zealand desperately wants Denning to spend time in that country, and will do anything he asks in order to make it happen, including building a massive world-record-setting launched coaster or adding gravy troughs throughout the country.

--JCK