Friday, May 20, 2005

American Coaster Enthusiasts Create New "All-Star" Division

As the needs of its members and buffet tables change and grow, the American Coaster Enthusiasts continue to evolve. Among the latest of ACE's innovations is the new designation of "ACE All-Star," bestowed upon individuals who meet special criteria that places them a cut above the standard coaster enthusiast.

"We've found ways of recognizing coasters that are run in the manner they were intended to be run, with the ACE Coaster Classic plaque," said ACE President, Viceroy, and Guardian of the Sacred Skid Brake Carole Sanderson. "And we've more recently begun to acknowledge influential rides, or at least rides we've gotten some ERT on, with the Roller Coaster Landmark plaque. But we haven't done nearly enough to reward the most important cog in the theme park machine: the humble coaster enthusiast. Our new "ACE All-Star" designation is intended to rectify that situation."

"ACE All-Stars are selected each year," continued Sanderson. "Criteria will include number of total coasters ridden, number of times a single coaster has been ridden, and the number of times an enthusiast has brought shame upon the club by demanding special perks from park PR reps or tucking their shirt accidentally into their underwear."

In addition to receiving a plaque of their own, suitable for framing, winners of the new award will be featured on the new ACE All-Stars website. (Note that, during the current Beta test phase, only Alabama ACE members are being featured on the new website, although all winners will be added once the design is finalized.)

One controversy has already arisen regarding the seemingly innocuous new award. The ACE Alumni page seems to feature photos only of the club's more attractive members, leading to speculation that uglier ACE All-Stars are being left off the site unfairly. ACE denies that this is the case, merely claiming that "some of the pictures must have gotten misplaced."

What'd You Spend on That? About a Buck-Fifty?

Our new Site O' the Weak is the website of an actual professional company in the amusement park field. We feel the need to state this up front, as it would not be obvious from a quick glance that Top Fun's official site is anything more than young, fairly stupid child's personal homepage.

Ripping the poor English grammar of this site, since it's an Italian company and all, might seem like a cheap shot. But then again, if you want to sell anything in a foreign country, you should make your information comprehensible instead of just using a free online translator program or relying on what you remember from the class you failed back in high school, correct? Plus, paragraphs like the following are too amusing not to point out:

Thanks to a Worldwide organisation Top Fun is able to offer to You a large number of used rides. And not only! Each of them have been checked and guaranteed by Top Fun. Choose the one You need!

And even if one were to be nice and forgive any language issues on the site, surely no one can possibly forgive the awful web design. Lobotomized chimps could do a better job. A frickin' Tripod template would look pretty good in comparison, for the love of God!

The Top Fun website. Within it you will find a new definition of pain and suffering.