Wednesday, March 31, 2004

Cedar Fair Announces New Names for Geauga Lake Rides

Following the lead of Clementon Amusement Park renaming the 2004 wood coaster "Sunami" from "Tsunami," a number of Geauga Lake rides will be able to sport new names that will require minimal changes in park signage.

"This is the only way we could possibly change the names of the rides in the less than one month time frame we had between the sale of the park and the April 1st opening," said Bill Spehn, Geauga Lake's new General Manager.

Effective immediately Raging Wolf Bobs will drop the "R" and become Aging Wolf Bobs. The first half of the ride will not receive the retracking Six Flags scheduled for last season; this decision has been justified as ensuring "thematic integrity."

In an effort to pick up the valuable 12-18 demographic, The Villain will become "The Illin'." Queue line graffiti will remain intact. Also, the Yo-Yo will be renamed "yo-YO MAMA."

In an interesting move that will pay tribute to an accident that occured at another Cedar Fair amusement park in California, the Shipwreck Falls will be renamed "Hip Wreck Falls."

To calm the nerves of those who are upset over the park's decision to shutter the Wildlife side, the Pirate Flight will be renamed the "Irate Flight." "Irate: 4D" will feature live three-dimensional footage of the abandoned stadiums, penguin exhibits, and whale exhibits, including graphic representations of the penguins' abandoned bodies decaying.

To attract attention from coaster enthusiast clubs, namely ACE, the SKY COASTER will be renamed the K.Y. Coaster. Riders will be lubricated as to allow easier fit into the flight suit.

In an attempt to be more politically correct, the Black Squid will be renamed "The African-American who Bears a Non-Sexual Resembalance to a Squid."