Tuesday, June 08, 2004

Coaster Enthusiast's Entire Summer Trip Budget Spent in Four Minutes

Connecticut coaster enthusiast Rufus Joel, 36, had long been looking forward to this week, a vacation that would feature an intricately-planned driving tour of amusement parks up and down the Eastern seaboard. A mid-level staffer for a Hartford-based insurance company, Joel receives a modest salary and only two weeks of vacation each year, so he covets every one of his rare chances to get out of his cubicle and experience the thrill of riding roller coasters and driving around the country with his wondows rolled down.

Unfortunately, Joel used up the entire budget for his coaster vacation in four minutes, the time it took for him to fill the gas tank of his 1999 Toyota Corolla at a local Exxon station.

"F*ck!" Joel told ARN&R. "I saved all year for this trip. I went out for dinner less, I almost eliminated purchases of CD's and DVD's, and I moved into a cheaper apartment, all so I could make use of my precious few days off. And then I left my house, drove a mile down the road to the gas station, and spent every penny of the two thousand dollars I'd saved for the trip on a fill-up. And it wasn't even premium! Two thousand bucks to fill up a sensible family car!"

Joel later admitted that he spent six dollars of the two thousand getting lunch at a local sandwich shop, meaning that he merely used one thousand, one hundred and ninety four dollars at Exxon.

When asked if he had any revised plans for his yearly vacation, Joel shrugged and stated that he would "probably just watch a lot of TV, assuming I can keep paying Comcast a hundred bucks a month for basic service."

Coming Soon: The World's Only Fansite Dedicated To The Dude Who Sold Those Blowup Hammers At Quassy In 1998

Okay, Jeff Siebert (note the order of 'i' and 'e' and the 'b' rather than 'f'), the PR guy for Paramount's Kings Island, seems like a nice guy. We've got no problem with him.

But a website dedicated entirely to him? We're going to go ahead and say, um, it's stalkeriffic!

Let's see...pictures taken when the subject is clearly not aware of it? Check. Surreally positive praise ("Some people are great. Some people are awesome Then There's Jeff Siebert!")? Check. Completely empty discussion board? Check. Repeated references to sightings ("He's been seen at Monster and Flying Eagles helping to operate the ride. Jeff has also been seen working in Bubba Gumps.")? Check.

Yes, the site does say it is "ment [sic] to be funny" and says that Siebert likes it. But hey, stalkers usually think their behavior is welcome. So, Jeff Siebert Fan Page, you're ARN&R's Site O' the Weak!