Role Playing a Failure

Tim and Amy Fitzsimmons have been married for five years and are looking to start a family soon. To spice up their love life, Amy recently suggested the couple engage in role playing. They agreed to trade off being responsible for each week's theme, choosing the week's concept as well as any necessary props.

Amy says that trial run went very well. "My idea was that Tim was a knight and I was the damsel trapped in the castle. He had on some naughty chain mail while I let my hair down and wore some revealing lingerie. It was some of the best sex we have had in some time," she blushed.

However, the highs reversed themselves when Tim took charge. "Oh yeah, I was ready!" he said confidently. "I knew I had to come through with something special. That's why I felt we should be the hot coaster operator and the enthusiast that wants space at his lap bar. I got her a Beast thong from some coaster site and a Mantis t-shirt I wore when I had my summer job at the Point. All I wore was a patch jacket. I thought it was going to be as hot as California Screamin's LSMs!"

Amy was not so amused. She said that an old t-shirt was not sexy and seeing Tim's gut push apart the vest made her dry up faster than a waterpark after Labor Day. "It just wasn't hot. We could have been lost in the woods, he could have been my pool boy Pepito, or we could have had a threesome with Tammy next door. Instead he chooses to pretend we're banging below a B&M coaster. That's great."

As of this printing Tim and Amy have done some further role playing but she has chosen all of the concepts. She mused that she might let him start choosing themes after Phun Phest, but even then they will have to be approved.

--FMB

Japan Trip Breaking News Recap, Part II

We continue here with our special limited edition collector's leather-bound presentation of the entire ACE/ECC Japan Trip breaking news. If you enjoy the collected headlines here, be sure to read the article directly below this one, which contains the remainder of the recap.

Ed. Note: Those fun-loving folks at the ECC have blocked all referrers. We really don't want them to have to do that, so we've changed the links below to those of the full report pages from the relevant days. ECC folks: we won't link direct to your pictures again, so you can unblock other referrers if you like.


Scandalous Photographic Evidence Comes to Light: Signature Move Not Done Back on Day Three

Richard Nixon Spotted During Browse of ACE/ECC Japan Trip Archives

ARN&R Writers and Editors Constantly Hit Refresh, Praying For Day 14 Pictures

Telly Savalas Replaced as Spokesman for Player With Yourself Club Card

ECC and ACE Members Now Keeping Track of Number of Times They Jack Off to POV Footage

Mysterious Odor Overwhelms Ride Attendants

"That's very funny. Now tell us why you really came all the way to Japan. Our viewers will never believe this 'roller coaster' business."

"What's this stuff all over the lap bar?"

Because Paying $5,000 For One Shithole Wasn't Enough

On Day Thirteen, Signature Move Interferes With Ride Restraint

The Spirit Of Ace, Part III

...And They're Strangely Painting The Stairway to Heaven

Nothing Like Traveling Halfway Around The World To Visit A Shithole

Day 12 And The Signature Move Is Still Going Strong

Who Would Have Thought Shoes Could Get That Worn Out With No Physical Exertion Besides Standing In Line?

Japanese Parks Learn From Six Flags Theming and Landscaping

Steel Dragon, Roped Into Group Picture, Tries to Pretend it Doesn't Know Enthusiasts

Buffet, Lacking Gravy, Sits Untouched

James Woods Falls Asleep On Japanese Coaster

Ratt's Drummer Enjoys New Look

Friendly Local Provides Enthusiast With Sign Reading "I Am A Huge Nerd."

Hulk Mad. Hulk Smash Japan.

"It's Day Eleven, And I'm Totally Committed To My Signature Move."

--The ARN&R Staff

Japan Trip Breaking News Recap

Due to the volume of fanatical support (well, three adoring emails and a girlfriend of one of our writers actually sort of chuckling, or perhaps involuntarily grimacing, at something on the site for once) we've received over our series of ACE/ECC Japan Trip breaking news reports, we've decided to take the unusual step of reproducing that entire series in more permanent form here at ARN&R. Although some of the Japan news will remain in rotation until replaced within the usual Breaking News section, those headlines will also be collected here in two parts for your pleasure through the rest of eternity.

Additionally, the Japan trip breaking news will also be made available in a breathtaking special limited-edition encyclopedia version, in three volumes handsomely bound in rich Corinthian leather and hand-signed by the ARN&R staff. Each set will sell for the low, low short-time offer of $1,345,222.03 per set, so hurry and get this amazing family heirloom while supplies last.

Ed. Note: Those fun-loving folks at the ECC have blocked all referrers. We really don't want them to have to do that, so we've changed the links below to those of the full report pages from the relevant days. ECC folks: we won't link direct to your pictures again, so you can unblock other referrers if you like.


Japanese Parkgoer Puzzled By Presumed American Custom Of Long White Socks With Dark Shoes

"OMG I'm In DDR Mecca!!"

A Sea of Tools

Japanese Park Installs Blinders In Effort To Protect Patrons From Sight of Enthusiasts

So Many Cameras, So Little Worth Photographing

Why Ride This at Wild Adventures When I Can Ride It In Japan?

This Credit Is So Worth $5,000

The Spirit of ACE, or We Travelled All the Way to Japan to Ride Your Kiddie Coasters

The Spirit of ACE Part II

ACErs Ask Buddha Statue For Directions To McDonald's

ACErs Curse Absence of Duran Duran, Metal Ballads on Japanese Radio

ACEr Spends Eighteen Dollars Calling Mom From Japan To Have Her Set VCR To Record Discovery Channel Special

Japanese Hotel Staff Puzzled By Volume Of Sweat, Other Excretions On Sheets

English-Speaking Enthusiasts Quickly Pick Up Japanese Words for "Tool," "Bad Smell," "Loser," and "Annoying" After Hearing Them Constantly During Trip

Godzilla, Mothra, Rodan, Gamera, Ghidora, Mechagodzilla, Iron Chef Italian Lay Aside Differences, Launch Full-Scale Attack on Invading Coaster Enthusiasts

Japanese Scientists Report Unusual Increase in Seismic Activity This Week

In Unrelated News, ACE and ECC Arrive in Japan This Week

ACErs Arrive in Japan, God Sends Rain To Deter Them From Staying

In Related News, Japanese Authorities Report Pork Supplies Low

Godzilla Recoils in Terror at Sight of ACErs

Sushi Restaurant Rejects Request for Gravy

Japanese Kiddie Park Goers Puzzled By Wacky "Rowing" Motion While On Kiddie Coaster Lift Hill

Also By Presence Of Grown Adults On Kiddie Coaster

ACErs Refuse To Stop Singing Mr. Roboto

--The ARN&R Staff