Friday, January 10, 2003

Neurologists, Chiropractors Seek Arrow Comeback

In an unusual pairing, trade organizations representing neurologists and chiropractors have joined forces to urge the building of more old-style Arrow Dynamics looping coasters, in particular focusing on their goal of returning Drachen Fire, formerly of Busch Gardens Williamsburg, to service.

"Any time one of those puppies opened, the brain injuries and back pains would just shoot upwards," said spokesman Mark Quaker. "They're great for business. Ever since those damn Swiss guys [Bolliger & Mabillard] have started to build coasters, the amusement park towns have really lost their growth potential. The docs near Busch Gardens have had to sell yachts because of the drop in business." Quaker added that the group would encourage not just the reopening of Drachen Fire, but also a move back towards building more of the classic style Arrow loopers, with transitions designed by chimpanzees and over-the-shoulder restraints made of pure steel with a thin coating of titanium "for comfort."

Stan Checketts, whose S&S Power now owns Arrow Dynamics' assets, was reached for comment by ARN&R. "We're gonna make things taller! And faster! Boom! Boom! Shoot you a thousand feet in the air! Fly fast! Fast! Fast! Fast good! Boom! Boom!"