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Paramount to Relaunch Bonfante Gardens as Rugrats Gardenzville

Many enthusiasts were pleased to hear that Paramount would be managing Bonfante Gardens, the garden-themed nonprofit amusement park in northern California. And now Paramount has announced its plans: Bonfante Gardens will henceforth be known as Rugrats Gardenzville and undergo a complete retheming.

Upon entering the park, guests will no longer be greeted by decades-old "circus trees," carefully tended to maintain their beauty. Instead, according to park spokesman Bruce Falbo, "Those ugly things got torn out and thrown out back. Who wants crazy-ass trees at an amusement park, anyway? Now we've got all the Rugrats and Blue and sometimes even guest stars from Nickelodeon in the entrance plaza, right next to the Drop Zone tower ride and the all-new launched coaster Flight of Fear."

The unique plant- and vegetable-themed rides will be rethemed as well. Gone is the Artichoke Dip flat ride -- it's now the Hurler. And the Garlic Twirl is now Blue's Big Adventure Spinning Ride. "Yep," said Falbo, "It'll be just like Paramount's Great America up the street. It'll be great!"

When reached for comment, Michael Bonfante, who has cared for the trees and other plants in the park for years and dedicated his life to founding the park, wept quietly.