Friday, April 22, 2005

Jesus Apologizes For Spam

One-third of the Holy Trinity recently issued a press statement apologizing for spamming groups like rec.roller-coaster. It began, "Yo peeps. Sorry about some of my misguided members dropping the spam on the newsgroups. I have already banished them to an eternity of being Satan's Special Little Helper."

The posts, often rambling and backwoods in nature, act like they care. Some, such as this one utilize the short paragraph style popularized by USA Today for fourth-graders and those living in Mississippi, Alabama, Kentucky and Tennessee.

While all of the posts have the same content, they feature many different titles, from "Good morning or good evening depending upon your location. I want to ask you the most important question of your life. Your joy or sorrow for all eternity depends upon your answer. The question is: Are you saved? It is not a question of how good you are, nor if you are a church member, but are you saved? Are you sure you will go to Heaven when you die?" to "Are you looking for Jesus or naked+pics+Jenna+Jameson?"

In a recent interview with ARN&R the J-man rapped with me about why he thinks spamming is so wrong. ?I'm just pissed that those dickweeds used my name for posting that garbage. You'd think they could get a real job," he thundered. "I wish I could sit around in a trailer all day posting musings about religion, but some of us have to work for a living!"

Apparently the King of Kings isn?t the only one angry as The WebAlias Network recently suspended the ?jesus-animation? because of ?spamming activities by its owner. Jesus commented, "That's great, now I'm a web cartoon. At least Fritz the Cat was on film."