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Six Flags Elitch Gardens Clarifies Name of New Ride

Excited patrons of Six Flags Elitch Gardens learned earlier this week that there would be the addition of a thrilling new "extreme water ride" to the park this year. Unfortunately, the actual name of the new attraction was released improperly by SFEG, according to the park. Although the waterslide was announced as "EDGE," apparently that is only part of its full moniker.

"It's the darndest thing," said Elitch Gardens spokesman Chase Figgins. "We thought we had everything ready to go, but someone must have accidentally cut off half of the press release when they made photocopies. The announcement therefore said we were calling our new ride 'EDGE,' but it was supposed to be 'EDGE of Seventeen.' And the press release mentioned all the thrills of the ride itself, but due to the photocopying mistake, the thrilling discussion of the attraction's elaborate theming was also left out."

According to Figgins, the entire ride will be themed to resemble a massive white winged dove, while the "hard-pumping rock hits" of Stevie Nicks will blast from loudspeakers installed in the ride's rafts themselves. Ride operators will be clad entirely in leather and lace.

"This ride is going to be a landslide of thrills," said the park rep. "When people ride it, I guarantee they're going to be yelling 'ooh, baby, ooh, said ooh.'"

-JCK