Sunday, July 25, 2004

Enthusiasts Lost in Canada Feared Deranged Hillbillies

According to a pair of coaster enthusiasts, Gabe Pappas and Darnell Cleaver, getting lost on a small Canadian road late at night was somewhat scary.  The time of apprehension for the pair occurred while they were traveling between La Ronde and Paramount’s Canada’s Wonderland, and were forced to detour onto small roads when the 401 was shut down due to a massive accident.

“We were really having a good time during our Canadian trip until then,” said Pappas.  “People were friendly, the cities were clean, we were able to feast upon mounds of poutine and suckle maple directly out of the trees, and pretty much nobody liked George W. Bush.  But then we hit that monster traffic problem, diverted into the wilderness, and couldn’t find our way back to the highway until about three in the morning.  Let me tell you, your mind starts racing in situations like that.”

Specifically, the pair became convinced that wild, scary, Deliverance-style inbred hicks would certainly descend upon them and commit violations to their buttocks.

“We were on this one particularly deserted stretch of country road,” said Cleaver.  “I was absolutely positive that some rednecks were going to jump out and tell us to ‘squeal like a pig, eh?’”

“Or, depending whether we were still in Quebec at that point, the rednecks might have leered at us, pointed their bows and arrows at us, and told us something like 'vous avez une belle bouche, garçon' instead,” said Pappas.  “Either way, it would have been pretty awful.”

The two enthusiasts did note that no incidents involving deranged, inbred crackers ended up occurring on the trip, and the pair arrived at their hotel late, but with their sphincters unviolated.