Tuesday, January 27, 2004

"Rider Error" Controversially Blamed for Inability to Fit in PTC Train

In a move that enthusiasts have called "totally unfair," investigators and park management are attributing Jim Swanson's inability to fit on Cedar Point's Blue Streak to "rider error."

"Too many pork rinds, cheese-on-a-sticks, and Super Sized McDonalds Value Meals have made this man simply too large for our parks' trains," said Cedar Fair CEO Dick Kinzel. "I can only attribute this to the rider's error due to his willful insistence to continually jeopardize his health and his weight with his gluttonous eating habits."

Local enthusiasts venomously disagreed, citing the seat dividers on the PTC trains for Swanson's difficulties.

"Those seat dividers suck ass! Parks need to accomodate for guests of larger stature," said local enthusiast Mitchell Simons. "To state that this obvious accident is the fault of the rider is not only irresponsible corporate policy but also insensitive and hurtful to the riders' feelings."

"Now, that chick that got beamed in the head with the rock at Worlds of Adventure? That
was rider error. That dumb bitch should have ducked."