Tuesday, April 05, 2005

God Endorses ARN&R

Recently a site called "Evangelism: The [clock clip art] Is Now!" announced that our site, Absolutely Reliable, is regarded as historically accurate as the Old Testament.

On page 3 of 4 in a section entitled "Section 7, Chapter 3," the website, which channels the J-man directly, proclaimed that: "The Old Testament: Absolutely Reliable Historically." We know there must have been some syntax error when they put that colon in. It probably was supposed to be a "&" or a ";" or even an "and this other kick-ass site." Whatever the grammar mistake, we know where your hearts lie.

However, after pursuing your site, Lay Evangelism Folks, we don't know if we can work in tandem with you. The way you accost husky people at picnic tables and give bad reasons why I need to leave my part-time job at the Condom Clatch ("Until America sees that our bringing the Gospel to them is more important than our jobs, our Church buildings and land and all that this world has to offer, they won't even consider the message of Jesus' love and forgiveness or turn to Christ."), I really don't know if ARN&R can support what you do.

However, I will say that the cover of "Heaven & Hell: An Absolute Reality" is sassy with its poetic nod to the theater lover in all of us.

Although I may sound skeptical, I know that you are the real deal and not some money-grubbing evangelical. Because, after all, God definitely has a website that looks like this: http://www.layevangelism.com. You truly are a great group of Christians and we thank you for working so hard to make money off an executed guy from 2000 years ago. Because, much like Pontius Pilate, your disciple Robert says, "I wasn't drunk when I wrote that one, the hate is always there when it comes to cheap Jew bastards." Praise Jesus.