Monday, May 19, 2003

New Trend in Ride Design Stems From Carnal Knowledge, Conclude Attendees at Conference

With the opening of Top Thrill Dragster, many world renowned psychologists have been contemplating the perverse lure to an attraction where a person would wait six hours for a fifteen second ride.

In a recent academic conference on the subject held in Switzerland, Dr. Frances Gettenhoffen suggested: "In a predominately male dominated, ego-based society, there tend to be obvious sexual factors related in current trends. Whether they be current or concurrent need matter not. What matters, is the fact that amusement structures or ‘attractions' are basically phallic symbols dressed up in pretty cloths with ofttimes long -- very long -- waiting lines and a short, if not pleasing, climax."

"This goes back to our neanderthal ancestry," stated palaeontologist/psychiatrist José Rodriguez Hosemedown, also an attendee at the conference. "This blatant form of dong worship has been prevalent since we climbed out from the primeval ooze. There is no reason to think that we, as men in a male dominated society, would erect anything to the contrary."

Dr. Wanker Fiddlestinder noted that even the pre-opening sight of a construction worker urinating on the TTD station was consistent with his theories. "In this male-dominated, ego-driven society of male dominators, we have a delineated tug to our penises. We like to hang them out, compare them and design rides after our favorite modus operandi."

The group promised to reconvene at a later date to discuss the psychological implications of the rocking motions of Looping Starship flat rides.