Monday, January 03, 2005

Local Enthusiast Still Unaware that "Tsunami Relief Fund" is Not Referring to Clementon Park Sale

Local enthusiast Byron Mathews, who goes by the name "B&M4eVaH" on the local coaster fan forum "Scream Network," was until this morning unaware that the thread entitled "Tsunami Relief Fund" was referring to the deadly Tsunami waves that have killed more then 130,000 people, and not the "For Sale" listing of Clementon Park and their coaster, Tsunami, in the Wall Street Journal.

Apparently Mathews, 30, assumed that the thread appealing to enthusiasts to donate to their local Red Cross concerned Tsunami the roller coaster, and then never bothered to open the thread. "I just figured some enthusiasts were pooling some money together to save the coaster in case someone bought Clementon who wanted to put up condos or something," Byron explained to ARN&R.

How Mathews, however, has not actually heard of a news event that has captured global television and newspapers is a phenomenon known by sociologists as "Assburgia," where a human being's obsession with one particular hobby dwarfs their ability to be aware of any basic realities going on in the world around them.

When told of the massive disaster, Mathews was reported to exclaim, "Geesh!" and then inquired if any coasters were damaged in the disaster.

Yes, Faithful Minions...Articles are Coming

Greetings, readers. We know the updates have been a little slow here the past couple of weeks. The ARN&R staff has been a bit neglectful in presenting daily amusements for you due to travel, seeing family, having guests in town, and, in one case, drinking too much on New Year's Eve after a particularly wretched day of work.

Also, it was hard to tear ourselves away form the Absolutely Reliable Hot Tub, what with Jessica Alba splashing around in the nice warm water and all.

A return to normal operations is imminent. We thank you for your patience. We thank you even more for your slavish devotion, if applicable.