Monday, May 24, 2004

Enthusiast Not So Enthusiastic

When asked to name his favorite rides, enthusiast John Harkoff proceeded to proclaim a disdain for nearly every attraction located in an amusement park.

"Well, I don't like most flat rides, because I don't like spinning." reported Harkoff. "And I don't like water rides at all. I hate getting wet."

"I like steel coasters," continued Harkoff, "except Vekoma Boomerangs. I won't go on those. Or Vekoma SLCs. I hate SLCs. Or anything by Togo. God, Togo coasters really suck. Oh, I pretty much dislike every Arrow multilooper."

When it was explained to Harkoff that he had discounted 50% of the steel roller coasters in America, Harkoff shrugged, before adding, "I love wood coasters. Except old violent ones. I don't really like violent old wood coasters." Harkoff concluded, unintentionally discounting 70% of wooden roller coasters in the country. He also noted an aversion to wood coasters of any age with lots of lateral movement, and any wooden coaster exceeding 127 feet in height.

When asked what Harkoff does like to do in an amusement park, Harkoff paused for a long time before answering, "Bitch." Harkoff reported. "I really enjoy bitching."

Harkoff then proceeded to thank Six Flags for "contributing so much to what I most enjoy doing in my hobby."