Saturday, April 03, 2004

Oakwood Adds Another Coaster You'll Never Ever Ride

Oakwood Leisure Park in Wales recently announced that it would add a new steel coaster that you will never ever ever even come close to riding. The new coaster reportedly is costing the park three million pounds to add to its lineup, presently featuring Megafobia, which you've never had a chance to come anywhere near.

"We're pleased to be able to announce the addition of this Gerstlauer Eurofighter two-inversion coaster. It's pretty much different than anything in the States, and so we're especially happy to be able to mock the U.S. enthusiasts," said spokesman Whitney Duffington. Duffington later called back to add, in what he described as a special message to ARN&R readers, "Neener neener neener."

Inside sources indicate that you will likely see outstanding photos of the coaster that will make you really want to ride it, but that the odds of you actually saving enough money to travel to Wales are approximately 0.0035. The same sources suggest that you are more likely to meet and marry Jessica Alba and/or Ashton Kutcher.

The new coaster will be added to the lengthy list of amazing rides you will never lay eyes on, including that one in South Africa, that CCI in France, and everything in England.