Absolutely Reliable News & Rumors.

Kennywood Offers Free Gas

Earlier this season, Hersheypark hit upon a creative way of attracting customers despite the obscenely high gas prices currently in place throughout the country. Any visitor to HP who stayed at the Hershey Lodge would receive a voucher for $50 worth of gas from participating establishments. Although the new strategy has been a success for Hersheypark, competitors have been seeking to create similar, but better promotions of their own.

Stepping into the fray this weekend will be Kennywood, which will offer its own free gas plan for customers. However, unlike Hershey, which requires a resort stay to receive the gas voucher, Kennywood intends to give free gas to each and every paying patron that enters the park gates.

"We're inclusive," said a park representative. "With gas prices as high as they are, it is imperative that we give everyone free gas, not just limit it to the upper-end guests who stay in big hotels that may or may not still smell like ACE members after the convention they had there several years ago."

Starting Saturday and continuing through the operating season, all guests will be treated to a huge breakfast immediately after entering the park gates. The meal will consist of bowls of bran fiber and whole milk, prunes, Dr. Pepper, spicy pepper jack cheese, hot dogs with sauerkraut, buffalo wings with extra-fiery hot sauce, chicken-fried steak with creamy white sausage gravy, pork lo mein, scrambled eggs, whole heads of garlic, lamb vindaloo, and fourteen delicious varieties of stewed beans.

"Free gas isn't just a privilege," added the rep. "It's an inalienable right that we shall not deny our visitors."

--JCK