Sunday, August 22, 2004

Steeplechase Coaster Undergoes Makeover

Blackpool Pleasure Beach announced today that it will be giving a temporary makeover to its Steeplechase roller coaster, as the park seeks to capitalize on the Olympic spirit sweeping the planet during the current Athens Games. The revamp of the ride will only be for the remainder of the current season.

Currently, passengers at Blackpool ride "bareback" on individual horse-themed cars that provide a surprisingly peppy ride. But the temporary retheming will provide riders with a vastly different experience from the current brisk three-track racer. Indeed, the Steeplechase will now be called Equestrian Challenge: Xtreme Dressage.

After mounting their horses, riders will be treated to an exciting experience where they must make their "horse" dance gaily about and gallivant back and forth in markedly silly and unathletic fashion. The riders, say park reps, will definitely not need to worry about breaking a sweat, but those whose ride vehicles make the most prissy maneuvers on the course will receive medals.

Park reps also note that the Steeplechase ride will come to a complete stop midway through the ride. At this point NBC beach volleyball commentator Karch Kiraly will appear in person to reprise his astonishing Olympic comments such as "she loves to gobble those balls up" and "usually you can't go down like that, but the Czechs are slow."

Blackpool officials refused to comment on what the reasoning behind Kiraly's surrealistic presence on Xtreme Dressage could possibly be.